You’ve been out on your own, moved out of the family home, and enjoyed some independence as an adult. Now, you find yourself having to move back home.
Yeah… yikes! But you’re certainly not alone. More and more young adults are finding themselves packing up and moving back in with their parents, either because of financial and job shortcomings out of college, or because of an adult crisis that puts them in a temporary dependent role again.
It’s a tough situation for these Boomerang Children, but it’s equally disruptive to their parents. If you’re moving back home, remember that your parents are as nervous and doubtful about this as you are. Take the initiative and map out your new living situation.
Learn your new role – It’s a speaking one!
Your parents aren’t your landlord, nor are they the parents whose home you lived in as a child. Your mother isn’t going to make your bed and your father won’t be changing the oil on your car.
Take a realistic look at your new living situation and discuss the pros and cons with your parents. Anticipate some awkwardness, but work through it to a comfortable routine, one that works for both you and your parents. Communication is the key here!
Whatever you do, don’t revert! It’s an easy thing to let happen, especially if your parents are still in the homestead where you grew up. Remember to act you age – your current age. There are few things worse than having to wake up your 17-year-old 10 times in the morning. And one of them is having to wake up your 30-year-old 10 times in the morning.
Set ground rules together
It may seem cliché, but moving back home is the perfect time to have a good old fashioned family meeting. Set ground rules for your living situation and don’t be afraid of specifics! You’re not 16, so don’t expect a curfew, but do anticipate a list of responsibilities. If you’re a member of the household, you may have to take out the garbage and pull your weight with yard work and housework. Getting the rules and responsibilities set up front will avoid misunderstandings and resentment later on.
Pay rent, no matter how little
You may be moving back home for financial reasons, but that doesn’t mean you should be living 100 percent rent-free. Even if it’s a token offer to pay your parents rent – and don’t wait for them to bill you – take the initiative and offer whatever rent you can afford. It’s a good gesture and sets the tone that you are a responsible adult who appreciates the value of a roof over your head.
Set the timer
Agree on a rough timeline for moving out on your own again. Of course that date will depend on when things work out for you, but having a date in mind sets the goal for getting back on your feet and independent once again.
Deal with storage
Depending on how long you’ve been out on your own and how much baggage – literal and figurative – you have, storage may become an issue. Your parents may be in a condo or a downsized home now, which means that if you’re looking to store your “stuff” for a future apartment of your own again, you may have to rent a storage unit.
Don’t over-impose and expect your parents to cram their basement, storage room or extra bedrooms with all of your junk. If you must, make it temporary and short term, until you can make other arrangements.
Respect the property
You may be back in your bedroom from middle school, but chances are it’s been turned into a sewing room or your dad’s man cave by now. If you’re returning, don’t see it as your room; consider it a room in your parents’ house that you’re borrowing for a while. You’re a tenant – albeit an extra special one – so be sure to give the respect to the property that a paying renter would.
Have some fun with this!
Instead of rolling your eyes and picking apart your parents’ dorky ways, try to learn to appreciate them, one adult to another. Don’t be embarrassed to admit that you’re living back home. Chances are many of your peers are doing the same. Turn a negative into a positive and see this as an opportunity to connect with the ‘rents.
Diane Laney Fitzpatrick is a writer, blogger and author of Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves. She writes about moving and other adventures in coping at www.DianeLaneyFitzpatrick.com.
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